Navigating Conflict: Understanding What Gets in the Way
Navigating Conflict: Understanding What Gets in the Way
Conflict is part of being human. Whether it's a disagreement with a partner, a tense moment with a friend, or a recurring issue at work, conflict happens—even in the most loving or respectful relationships. But the way we navigate it can either help us grow closer or quietly build walls over time.
Most of us don’t enjoy conflict. It can feel uncomfortable, unpredictable, or even threatening. That discomfort can lead to common patterns that make resolution harder, even when no one intends harm.
One of the biggest barriers to resolving conflict is the need to feel understood before we’re ready to listen. When emotions are high, many people go into a kind of self-protection mode: trying to explain, defend, or prove their point before really hearing the other person. This isn't selfish—it’s human. We all want our experience to be seen and validated, especially when we're upset.
Another challenge is assuming we already know what the other person meant or felt. Our brains are quick to fill in gaps, especially when we're under stress. If someone cuts us off mid-sentence or reacts sharply, we may assume they're being dismissive or uncaring. But often, their behaviour is coming from their own sense of overwhelm, frustration, or unmet needs—not from a desire to hurt.
Tone and timing also play a role. Bringing something up in the heat of the moment or when one (or both) people are exhausted rarely goes well. Sometimes, a short pause to calm down and gather thoughts can make the difference between an argument and a productive conversation.
What really helps is shifting from trying to “win” the conversation to trying to understand what’s happening beneath the surface. Often, what looks like a disagreement about dishes, text messages, or weekend plans is really about feeling unappreciated, not heard, or unsure where we stand with someone.
Here are a few gentle reminders that can help:
Speak from your own experience (“I felt hurt when…” instead of “You always…”)
Get curious, not combative (“Can you help me understand what you meant?”)
Slow down the conversation, especially if it’s escalating
Take breaks when needed—but return when you’re ready
Make space for both people’s experiences to exist, even if they’re different
Conflict doesn’t mean something is broken. It’s often a sign that something matters. And when approached with care, it can actually build trust—because we learn we can disagree, be honest, and still stay connected.
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